there's three links to this website. which one did you find?
This is honestly an amazing distraction. I'm using it to talk about my actual feelings, but a superb cope nonetheless. No "wasting" paper, either. It's my ex's fault, really. Or my own, more accurately. When you decide to trust someone, to love someone is to give them the power to hurt you. There's this one quote from Todd Chavez,
"As you know, I was hurt. But then I realized, that's just how you are. You know, and maybe I need to stop expecting you to be a good person, so that way I won't get hurt when you're not."
My problem is I love too much, and then I get hurt. Too naive, too anxious, too depressive, too traumatized, etc. You think you meet someone good and then it turns out they're not good, and this idea you had in your mind of them is shattered, likely in the one of the worst ways possible. Well; for me. I think everyone has their own attachment issues but mine is that I think people are good, and then they're inevitably not, and then these people I thought were "good" do some monstrous behavior and it ends up producing some extreme cognitive dissonance. Their behavior towards me is a reflection of their self worth and value, not mine. Not mine. Not mine. Me trying to convince myself through an online website will never not be funny. It's self soothing. God knows I need that shit..
I'll work on this periodically... it's funny. I got the idea to make this from my avoidant ex. Well, that's what I'm guessing, either that or a covert narc, or something else. Who knows. I think the point is that you take a little piece of everybody you meet, or they give a piece to you, so that's why I'm making a neocities website and learning to code in HTML instead of continuing to soak pages and pages in misery. Well, I'll continue to do that, but the point is the computer can also get a piece of it too. A rather large part of it? I think I'll go back periodically. I haven't killed myself, despite over a dozen people conspiring to make exactly that happen. God, I'm tough. Fucking tough. Tough. Tough. Tough. Tough. Tough. Tough as fuckin' nails. Even if I'm just a wittle soft white boy, a lot of people would've thrown in the towel at this point. You are a rockstar, dude. I'll make this a blog, photography, whatever I feel like. Could be the media I enjoy, like Todd Chavez. Might be the beer I've been sipping talking. I'm sweating... I think I'll take a walk and then knock out. The pain ebbs and flows, y'know? You do know.